How hard is
it to let go?
It's hard.
Really very hard.
It is excruciating
at times. Beyond words… beyond thoughts.
Then how does
it happen? How and when do people let go?
It certainly
doesn't happen overnight. Don't people wait for years yearning for closure?
How then?
I look back
at myself for answers. I don't find them initially. But when I rummage further,
I find a beackon that beckons me towards a forgotten memory... Lost in the
process of life. So much so that the only memory of it is what I have been
told. Nothing else.
Then I see. I
know life had already made me do it. It was the first thing I did before I
opened my eyes and spoke to the world, much before i sat up, walked and felt...
I had learnt to let go.
Life taught
me to let go of the damp, dark comfort of the uterine world, my umbilical cord
was slashed off without second thoughts as I was pushed into this side of
living - so full of light, noise and confusion. I hated it. I resisted. I
cried. I revolted.
But then I
blended in. It took time, maybe. But I did it finally. I let go.
Wasn't that
the first lesson I learnt in life?
Nonetheless,
letting go is still painful.
But with this
knowledge that I'm wired to do it, there is a sense of emancipation. It may
take time, I may hate it, I may want to resist it, but it shall finally flow
into me and I, into it. And like immiscible liquids, we shall become an entity
that was seemingly always there, waiting to happen.
So I shall
not be in denial... let me embrace it, own it this time. Let me appreciate the
presence of this excrutiation. And let it fade away on its own. So after some
time, it shall throb no more... it'll remain as the residue of a sweet memory
of something that I seem to forget - A nostalgia that brings smiles with it and
not tears.
And then I
shall have done it.
I would have
let go.
